Twisted Girl

file:///WORK/ARNO/stuff/Nikon%20D40X/to%20use/twisted-girl.jpg

Last word for now

I awake in a room,

Grey, glossy, shiny, smooth, cold marble all around me,

I'm sitting on the marbled floor, to the sides marble, in front and the back of me marble, at the bottom and above me marble,

I'm in a marbled room,locked without escape,

On my side is a huge pile of cocaine, pure and white like Angels dust, but I know deep within the glorious dust lies the Devils snow snarling and smiling in secret waiting just waiting.

Behind me are crisp two hundred rand notes waiting to be rolled into a stiff stick,screaming roll me damnit just roll me!!!

My fingers are sweating and shaking like dry brittle leaves caught up in a storm.

My mind and heart tells me to roll and snort, roll and snort like there's no tomorrow,

My conscience tells me to hold on, think about this!!

My mind and heart devours my conscience without a blink,

I roll, roll, roll and roll until the crisp two hundred rand becomes a stiff stick,

I put the note to my nose, 

and my nose bleeds and bleeds, it bleeds so much that the room and Angel dust become a bright crimson red.

I'm in a crimson red room now, what was once marble becomes a bright red room,

The colour blinds me and burns me to the core, 

I burn to dust,

Out of my dust I am born again, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I soar through the walls and I fly into the sky,

I breath the air which shoots through me creating fire,

I become a fire ball of energy soaring the skies, there's no limit for me,

I fly at a speed beyond comprehension, 

I fly and burn until I become dust,

From Dust to dust, from Ashes to ashes,is what........

I BECOME.

Something in ME

There is something in me, wanting to get out,

It's tearing, clawing, biting, screaming,trying to get out,

It tries to claw itself out from within,

tearing at my flesh, tearing at my mind, screaming,

I look at my hands and arms, all I see are faces, screaming at me,

I close my eyes, all I see are faces, and voices,

These voices aren't pleasant, they're more like screams from the bottomless pit of HELL,

There's no escape for me,

When I'm awake they're driving me insane by clawing and screaming at me,

If I commit suicide, they're waiting on the other side for me just waiting to grab and claw me down.

What does one do when you're stuck between worlds, the Living and the world of SPIRITS.

My prayers are being silenced by the screams,

If I could just get one prayer through,

PLEASE GOD HELP ME!!!

my minds fading, my spirits drowning, my bodies fading,

PLEASE GET THIS OUT OF ME!!

Let me out of this trip, I would be so much more comfortable living this reality.

THANK YOU, my senses are creeping back to me, the trip is fading, I'm starting to feel some LIFE come into me.

THANK YOU!!

twisted

I'm your mind you once knew,

I'm your soul you've forgotten,

I'm your conscience you ignore,

You were once one one with me and I with you,

Throughout this life you've been blanketed with negativity,

You let Fear and Doubt consume you,

All I ask is that you break away your twisted thoughts, reconnect with me,

Because in the end, all you have is what you were born with,

A Twisted Soul. 

Euphoria

Ja, nee.........

Strange but true, but I guess our moods are created with the motion of the winds, it changes direction all the time, so if we are called moody, blame it on the winds I say.

I just had a lovely talk with a colleague, while smoking a cigarette outside. She somehow managed to dissipate my negative energy.

I truly value people who can take a couple of minutes of their time and speak to me, because it shows that they care. I have all the time to listen and it's really nice to learn about other people, it kinda solidifies the fact that although we share the same interests,

We are all Unique 

Pain

Old pains fading,

New ones forming,

Will this ever end, have I gone full circle again,

If this is the way my life is mapped out for me, then I want no more,

Tired of the same old thing,

Expecting too much of the new, which probably will never happen, Pipe Dreams I say.

Perhaps it's time for me to check out of this place, who cares I won't be missed, I'm just passing through, don't mind me I'll be here for a night or two.

I want to check out, but I'm afraid of what lies ahead.

Maybe I'll reconnect with a Old pain or maybe form a New pain, who cares, they're all the same to me.

Pains more pains,

Give me Pain and Novacain.

Voices

Voices, always voices

they're always in my head,

Can't make out what they're saying,

can't tell whether they good or bad, male or female, child or adult,

can only make out a voice.

I thought I was going deaf from the numbness in my ears, but that was just the voice in my head,

always there neverending.

Don't know whether they calling me or chasing me.

I'm neither frightened nor excited,

I ignore them.

I drive through traffic and they're there, I listen to music and they are there,

I go through life and they are always there,

In my head, always there Neverending.

Until one day I jump off a high cliff,

all I hear is my heart pounding and adrenalin rushing through my veins and all I feel is a long rush of wind passing me,

I try to listen for the voice in my head, for the first time,

there is Silence,

the voice is gone and I see Eternal Blackness

Then in an instant I not only awake from my darkness by unusual bright lights, but I hear the Voices again.

The voices of Angels singing and rejoicing, and cheering for me.

The voices of Eternal Sound.

Almost as if my whole life has been a calling to 

Eternal Happiness.

Voices, always voices neither Good nor Bad.

Shredding the Old, Invoking the New

Why does it seem that the only way to connect with people is through something really harsh, could it be the fact that I'm feeling slightly antsy today!!!

I'm tired of speaking about morbid stuff,

So should I start with something bright and cheery,

I want to be Air, something you need but do not see,

I want to be Water, something that saves and destroys

I want to be Lava, destroying the old and invoking the new

I want to be a Pulse, something that injects life into you

Let me be the Soul of all thats exists,

Let me be the Creation of the Created, the Likeness of all that is Good.

Let me simply be ME.

 

Seed

It's that time of year again I dread and hate,

a time where everyone is festive and happy and full of spirit,

also a time of Mass Suicide.

The only time Depression devours me like an animal whose been without food for a whole year.

I wish I could be with someone, but I hate everyone.

I hate the way I'm seeing the world in my eyes,

I feel like a Bad Seed,

whose grown into a Weed,

in a World of Flowers, I don't belong,

Intoxicating and choking everything around me.

White dragon

I'm trapped in a piece of black plastic, waiting to be freed,

waiting for someone to experience my passion, my passion to consume, to consume you and your soul,

You open me up ever so gently,

You handle me with care, like a woman holding her baby out of her womb.

You sprinkle me on silver paper,

You burn me up, igniting my Life Force.

Slowly you release me.......The White Dragon,

My fumes intoxicate you,

I slowly and gently move into your nostrils,

I slowly consume you.

I'm gentle at first, I know you want more of me,

the more you smoke me, the more you Invite Me

My power within you becomes fearsome.

I consume You and your Soul.

I Kill you from the inside out.

I drain you until you become dry and brittle and finally you burn to ash.

I am the White Dragon and you will never escape me,

I Am Heroine